Ma gasesc din nou intr-o zi de duminica, seara tarziu in fata calculatorului. Saptamana aceasta nu s-au intamplat multe cu mine, nimic sa imi dea inspiratie sa scriu iar in acest moment am, ceea ce se numeste, writers block. Da, si cat de putin am scris.. In lipsa cuvintelor si a sentimentelor transmise, va las piesa ce mi-a chinuit dupa-masa de astazi pana ce nu am pus-o pe play si replay din nou si din nou. O seara frumoasa.

Mi-a placut foarte mult filmul “Lista lui Schindler” si sa nu credeti despre mine ca nu imi place sa citesc, m-am gandit sa citesc cartea apoi; dar sunt o persoana vizuala, intreaga mea existenta din ultimii ani s-a bazat pe imagini si analiza acestora. Scena de la final a legat ganduri si evenimente trecute de prezent si ceea ce voi fi eu in viitor.

Sunt fascinata cum, imi place mie sa spun, poporul evreu are nevoie de un singur eveniment pentru a-l transforma intr-o sarbatoare nationala. Evreii sunt poporul cu cele mai multe sarbatori nationale pe an si totusi in mijlocul acestora, reusesc a-si aduce aminte de predecesorii lor, de suferintele celor dinaintea lor. In mijlocul petrecerii se servesc ierburi amare precum hreanul, pentru a le reaminti, spre exemplu, de robia Egiptului. Toate aceste ritualuri le-au fost trasate mai dinainte de catre Divinitate, respectandu-se si astazi de catre  o mare parte din comunitatea evreiasca. Partea mea preferata din cultura evreilor este cea cu privire la pietrele de aducere aminte. Exact ca in scena de la finalul filmului, cand fiecare membru al fiecarei familii salvate de catre Schindler, in rand indian, asteapta pentru a depune o piatra de aducere aminte pe mormantul acestuia. Pietrele semnifica cea mai inalta consideratie pe care un om, eveniment o poate avea, pentru un evreu, sunt un lucru atat de banal si totusi, atat de dainuitor. Sunt modalitatea prin care un lucru incheiat este onorat si apreciat.

Am ceva pietre de aducere aminte pastrate in cutia mea. Sa incep prin a va povesti cum am obtinut pasaportul in mai putin de o ora? sau cum am scapat dintr-un accident doar uitandu-ma la masinile care zburau pe deasupra capului meu? sau cum eu am devenit o piatra de aducere aminte pentru McDonald`s-ul din Chisinau? Eh, asta e legenda deja. Important este ca, fie trecute sau recente, fie ca am ras sau plans, ca am alergat, m-am consumat, am iubit, am jignit, tot ceea ce am gandit am simtit, de fiecare data cand m-am frant am lasat piatra impreuna cu bucata din mine si imi este dor de oamenii in care am investit. Refuz sa cred ca moartea este finalul sentimentelor ce m-au intins si strans, in acelasi timp, in fel si chip pentru a scoate esenta parfumului frumosului din mine. Raman aproape de iubire; fara ea, nu sunt nimic.

Am coborat o treapta iar cei doi batranei din spatele meu au inceput sa vorbeasca:

Ea: Mergi cu mine!

El: Nu merg cu tine..

Ea: Ba mergi cu mine! De ce sa car eu?! Cari tu!

El: Mai femeie, nu pot sa merg cu tine.. Sunt obosit.. Ma duc direct acasa

(in zona este un Mega Image, banuiesc ca despre acel magazin este vorba)

Ea: Ba mergi cu mine! Ei, asta-i buna! Uite, te asezi pe banca la soare, eu intru in magazin, imi fac cumparaturile si cand ies, cari tu sacosele!

El: (incurcat de situatie si fara scapare, printre dinti rosteste) cotoroanto!

Apai, dragoste din asta, cu nabadai.. nu doresc decat celor care au puterea de a nu se lasa afectati de vreo situatie.

Astazi este ziua lui Liviu. Implineste.. hmm.. 29 de ani si pentru ca stiu ca dragostea noastra este pasional nabadaioasa si ca imi doresc, sincer, sa apuc sa ma numeasca cotoroanta la batranete in timp ce mergem cu troleibuzul, de dragul zilelor tineretii. La multi ani, dragul meu! Eu, da, te iubesc!

vedeti voi, Liviu intotdeauna mi-a sustinut gusturile in materie de pantofi

“The first step, my son, which one makes in the world, is the one on which depends the rest of our days” – Voltaire

Sabrina could only feel how he felt only by the looks he gave her. Those blue, small eyes could change form, shape and colour not only by light`s intensity but by every thought that crossed his mind. And they were so many, she knew. She sensed she was facing a mighty character waiting to be shown a new way of approaching life`s elementary things. She could see how he wondered what was in her head, what was keeping her quiet and when he lifted his left eyebrow, the situation question was so obvious that would leave him defenseless and open, and how she enjoyed that feeling.

Maybe she did it all wrong. Maybe she was determined in having a good time that she did not take importance in the fact that she, most likely, mislead the question marks.  She did not find him her happiness nor thought of him as the center of her little universe but found happiness in her courage of being with him and once again, she was the center of her universe. This little selfish girl was constantly increasing new passions in those white-greened sheets, and how she cherished the moment.

In time, Sabrina set aside her likes and dislikes and parted ideas and options making herself rational again. She could not tell me if it hurt, what hurt? How can something that was so inert could hurt she tried explaining it to me, but it really didn’t make sense, and how it hurt me not hurting her. I think it was just a bitter end for everyone. Lately, Sabrina could read what he was letting everyone read, revealing himself little by little, piece by piece. She read and understood how he burns to be loved, this soul of a lion so powerful, unique and fragile at heart, always stood in front of her not wishing letting her know this then, and how she could have loved him.

People and situation are real. Names changed. I personally would like to add more, but what`s the use? Let`s silencely await the phone call.

In noaptea de Revelion aveam planificate asa de multe lucruri.. atat de multe incat nici unul nu a fost infaptuit; asa ca, la 12 fara zece minute, mi-am luat cainele in casa, Natasha, sotul de mana, Liviu, l-am strans pe acesta puternic in brate si ne-am rugat pentru anul care va sa vie asa inclestati. A fost sublim. Bubuirile au inceput sa fie din ce in ce mai puternice facand-o pe Natasha sa se agite si sa nu fie tocmai in apele ei, am mangaiat-o bland linistind-o. S-a asezat cu botul pe labe, nu-stiu-cum, parca cautand adapostul sufletelor noastre, intre picioarele mele si ale lui Liviu, inclestandu-se si ea, la randul ei cu noi, apoi s-a calmat. Daca ar fi putut vorbi, cred ca ne-ar fi spus ca ne iubeste foarte mult.

M-am decis ca anul acesta sa nu mai treaca peste mine asa indiferent. M-am hotarat sa re-aduc un lucru bun in viata mea: viata la maxim. Mi-am promis ca voi scrie un minim de 500 de cuvinte saptamanal pe blog si sa nu permit creativitatii sa ma paraseasca. Voi iubi mai mult si mai intens, voi investi mai mult in oamenii de langa mine si in prieteniile noastre renuntand astfel, la mult egoism. Privesc anul acesta altfel. Simt ca nu va fi ca celelalte, nici pe departe. Ce se va mai intampla pe parcurs nu stiu, imi doresc sa condimentez viata mea cu multa muzica, e lucrul cel mai fin pe care eu l-am descoperit vreodata. Sa fotografiez mai mult, sa gatesc mai bine si sa imi incep fiecare, dar fiecare post cu un citat ce m-a influentat in saptamana respectiva.

Iar bucuria inceputului de an consta in faptul ca luna aceasta, in urma conversatiei telefonice, imi voi revedea Profesorul de Limba si Literatura Romana din Scoala Generala, stiti voi, cel despre care am scris aici

First, I thought about my dog, Natasha. I somehow knew she won`t be pretty happy with my decision and, you know that picking names is a huge deal for me, I set my mind on ‘Boris’ as a cat name. A dynamic duo – Natasha & Boris. Haven`t I thought this thru, or what? So, by picking a name for the cat that would sound alike with my dog`s name, logically, it is supposed not to be a problem. Think again. This post is not about my Natasha`s acceptance. No.

Secondly, when I finalllly found a cat to adopt.. it already have a name : Bugsie so calling him Boris felt somehow, weird to me. Like someone is calling me by my christening name (except my chemistry teacher from the 7th grade which was nice – he had the same name and I had straight A`s only by that). So Bugsie it is.

Thirdly, I still haven`t figured out how to create a bond, we`re working on it, but I do love that he takes himself out; 100 points for him for not making me teach him that. I really don`t know how to do it. I am fine with dogs, even better, I master the take-yourself-out technique with dogs. Speaking of bonds, these scratches on my fingers and hands do look bad, trust me, but if I am to walk this road I am not willing to give up. I find myself in this cat`s character. He is so independent. Only does things he wishes to do, he takes care for his individual needs, can`t feel him around the house and has this funny-dum look on his face when I call him. oohhh! I believe he tries to hypnotise me when I sleep, not sure thou.

Setting my ideas in order, I`m thankful for the past year. I could`ve done so many things and I might not did them, I could`ve not quit so many ideas and now I miss them. Someone told me yesterday that I`m not as I used to be, it`s like there is a drop of maturity in everything I do.. Scary as it sounds, it got me thinking.  With a tooth ache and a sore throat I`m spending what it supposed to mean a celebration day thinking at all that happened with me, with my familly relationship. I think that with age comes a sort of fear of what things could develop in years if you don`t fix them.

I meet myself at my mother`s words and it frightens me. Getting to where I never thought I  would be and still, finding a peace at it. To those that still read my blog, thank you. Have a nice Sunday Day, today the 25th of September – my day.

Claudia a fost cea de-a doua persoana apelata. M-a sunat in cursul zilei de astazi sa imi transmita ca de atunci nu a mai reusit sa inchida ochii si da, am trezit-o. Muhahahaha:).

Partea frumoasa a fost cand la jumatate de ora dupa apel, am vazut o pereche de ochi de caine la geamul biroului meu cu o cutie mare de inghetata de caramel invitandu-ma la sesiune de vorbit. Si uite asa am revazut-o eu pe Claudia astazi. Multumesc pentru inghetata.. mmmm.. A fost asa de buna! Ma bucur ca te-am revazut.

Iar pentru ca astazi este 1 August, sa aveti o luna frumoasa, insorita si pliiiiina de surprize!

Love you, Blondo`, always had, always will.

Am povestit despre viata si i-am spus motivul vizitei mele. Ii urmaream munca de ceva vreme, i-am vazut colectiile la televizor, pe facebook, in ziare.. dar momentul in care m-am decis ca trebuie sa o cunosc a fost Bucharest Fashion Week. Colectiile Galynei se disting de masa designerilor prezenti in Romania, prin rafinament, eleganta si stil. Hainele create de ea te uimesc prin finetea materialului, a liniei cusaturii si a mesajului transmis. Eu gasesc un suflu nou in creatiile ei, o idee de extravaganta dusa spre cotele cele mai inalte. Ma bucur sa o cunosc, si, bineinteles, pe Doamna Maria, ajutorul de incredere de la Atelier. Mai multe despre ea nu cunosc, am cautat prin presa diferite articole , review-uri si nici unul nu exprima indeajuns de bine sentimentele mele vis-a-vis de ea, asa ca m-am decis sa scriu. Rochia m-a facut sa ma simt speciala si in permanenta mi-a adus aminte de caracterul tau. Multumesc, Galyna! Ne-am atins scopul!

Si inca un lucru..  mamei mele i-a placut foarte mult iar asta nu poate insemna decat ca ne aflam pe drumul cel bun!

It was hard not having him around. He who is my poise and my friend. It was hard not to have someone to share the joy and the laughs. It was annoying to say to those indians to stop talking to me!! and to those that asked me, I choose to give them another answer: the right one this time. I did, I did miss Liviu. A lot.

I took a picture for him, in the same place we had a picture a year ago, worn the same leather jacket he loves so much, but there is something with London Eye.. my pictures there are never good. I hope that next time we can frame the picture we will take. Thank you Dan for snaping me. You are on the right track with photography, I might say!

After this, I went home packing. It was a mess everywhere I looked. Please do notice my Iphone 4